And I'm feeling happy and liberated to have actually noticed it at last.
I spend so much time doings things that if I thought about them in advance I'd know they will never work out, or be useful, or produce the results I intend.
Like I've spent an hour or more this evening writing posts to people that were never likely to take on board what I had to say.
And I would have known it, if I had even asked myself if that was a productive thing to be doing.
That is just the way of the world, sometimes people are in a place to hear you, your relationship is such that they'll listen, and other times they're not.
But I feel obliged to "make a contribution" and "make a difference".
Well, there's not much contribution if they're not in a place to hear.
And meantime I leave undone things that are important to get done.
It's bad news of the liberating kind: How I waste so much of my life, and the habits and thinking that drive me there. The complusion to do the caring, good, contributing thing, which actually makes no difference at all.
Freedom – I don't have to do that.
There's the possiblity of being accountable and responsible for the hours of my life. Owning my life. Literally not wasting my breath.